When I was growing up I was a very shy person. I was afraid to ask questions, communicate what was on my mind, and most of all didn’t want to create any waves.

Today, people would say I don’t have any trouble with any of these methods of communication!

Why Did I Change?

Why I am not that quiet, fuzzy communicator I used to be?

It is simple. Those passive tendencies created more problems for me and didn’t serve me well. I was frustrated, others were frustrated, and it took a lot longer to get things done.

It was simple to discover that beating around the bush wasn’t the right way to communicate. But it wasn’t easy changing my ineffective habits.

From Fuzzy to Clear

My immediate plan was to find out why I was holding back. I was unclear and hesitant to speak because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing or offend anyone.

I was concerned about having the right conversation in the right way to ensure people were happy.

Since happy people make productive people I would not ask the questions that needed to be asked or speak with clarity.

My Old Habit

Fuzzy… Holding Back… To Keep People Productive (NOT!)

My New Habit

Clear – -> Ask questions/Speak Up – -> To Keep People Productive (DEFINITELY!)

Today, many people striving to be more effective leaders have the same problem.

They are too concerned about the end result of a conversation.

“I’m not going to have that conversation because the individual’s performance may decline” or, “Things will get worse if I bring that to his or her attention.”

In reality, when someone doesn’t say what they need or expect, it doesn’t get better with time.

People receive mixed messages instead of clear messages. No message or a mixed message keeps people from knowing what to do, and it will lead to disappointment and conflict.

What really frightens me is when people avoid communicating expectations. Great companies then lose great people.

The 24-Hour Rule

Think about it. What advantage is there to beating around the bush?

For me, I incorporated the 24-hour rule. I give myself 24 hours to get my thoughts together to expedite a needed conversation.

Any time we wait longer than 24 hours we become a procrastinator. Additionally, when avoiding conversing longer than 24-hours, the conversation becomes harder, and situations starts to go south.

This was a real awakening to me! I thought I was avoiding unhappy people, but I was actually creating them.

This is the definition of a self-defeating behavior. The very thing you hope to avoid is what you create.

The Destructive Orbit

Great leaders are continually working on their leadership growth.

When we discover that we have not been as clear as we need to be, now is the time to take action. Before you do, think about how long the situation has been going on.

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6 months? 1 year? 2 or more yeaers? Any time we allow people to operate without a clear direction it doesn’t get better with time.

Now is the time to plan and determine if you can save a situation.

For example, you may have let things go on too long and there are too many unresolved situations that have created “bad history”.

In this case, use the 24-hour rule to contact a leadership professional to help you plan and facilitate your conversation so you may effectively participate and achieve the results you expect.

Conversations that should have taken place but did not materialize have created a bad deal – what I call a destructive orbit.

You know, situations get better, then ugly, then a little better, then back to ugly. The ongoing back and forth that occurs in human behavior keeps people frustrated and unproductive.

The majority of successful organizations have 5 – 6 destructive orbits that currently exist. Yes, you read that correctly.

Ongoing, destructive orbits that resulted from leaders not being clear from the get go. These orbits cost the organization in a big way. Act now to eliminate the unnecessary, wasted resources that are keeping you and others from being the best.

Smile – It Feels So Good

Tackling tough conversations, no matter how large or small, is invigorating.

What you think will be an uncomfortable experience will end up being one of your best leadership experiences.

What you dread to act upon will result in people working together or not being a match for your organization. Either way, the results are a win/win for you, others, and the organization.

After reading this article just make a decision to follow through on needed conversations. Congrats! You have gone from:

  • fuzzy to clear
  • timid to candid
  • beating around the bush to telling it like it is
  • creating destructive orbits to NO orbits

What conversations do you need to have?

How Do You Deal With this Barrier to Leaderhship?

If you have ideas that you feel like sharing that might be helpful to readers, share them in the comments section below. Thanks!

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Free Report: The Conversation Map

This conversation map will show you the steps to take to become an excellent communicator and leader by proper conversation.

Dr. Mary Kay
Dr. Mary Kay is a business leadership strategist, executive coach, trainer, author, and founder of the About Leaders community and drMaryKay.com. She’s consulted with hundreds of companies and trained thousands of leaders. Her Ultimate Leader Online course helps managers become more confident, decisive leaders. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

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